Eric Halverson
Salvation Experience
I was born in Toronto Canada in 1952, but my parents moved to California when I was a baby and I was raised primarily in the SF Bay Area. My parents were Christians and my brother and sister and I were brought up attending church. It was while living in San Lorenzo and attending San Lorenzo Community Church, however, that the family became very active in church. I attended Sunday school regularly, participated in the youth group, and enjoyed a family life in which the church played a large role. In 1965, at the age of 13, I completed my “confirmation” classes and was accepted as a believing member of the United Church of Christ.
However, the following year my parents moved the family from San Lorenzo to Castro Valley and we effectively stopped attending church and the faith-based activities we had been involved in. So I started high school in 1966, and my teenage years, in a new location attending Hayward High. Being in high school in the Bay Area in the late 60’s (68’ Summer of Love, Woodstock, “Drugs, Sex, Rock n Roll”, political assassinations, Viet Nam War) was a challenging time and by my 3rd year of high school I had left my Christian faith and was a confirmed atheist, choosing science and intellect over religious superstition, as I viewed it. Although I was a good student, it wasn’t long before my focus was on playing guitar/singing, chasing girls, and partying, (drinking, smoking, getting high).
Between 1968 and 1970, the war in Viet Nam had escalated to its greatest severity, hundreds of thousands of young soldiers were being sent to fight overseas, tens of thousands of them were coming home dead (including two older high school friends). The need for soldiers was so great that a non-volunteer draft lottery had been instituted (selection by birthdate) and young men were being drafted to fight in Viet Nam. The war that had once been popularly supported was now dividing the country. In my last year of high school, the draft was hanging over my head. I didn’t want to think about it…but I knew it was coming.
I had entered high school in 1966 as a Christian believer and as a supporter of the military but by my graduation in June of 1970 I was a confirmed atheist and strongly anti-Viet Nam war. And now I was confronted with the draft. Shortly after my graduation, that year’s lottery was held. My birthday was the 21st number drawn; I was going to be drafted and sent to Viet Nam.
But God, who had never let go of me, though I had let go of Him, began to slowly draw me back to Himself.
Because of the draft, I was now forced to think very seriously about the meaning of life...if it had meaning. Was I willing to go to war and kill? If not, why not? If Darwin was right, survival of the fittest was the rule for life. What value then was there in life? If it was OK to kill an animal in certain circumstances, wouldn’t that same rule apply to man? Is man any different than the animals? Why? And if man is just another animal, and survival of the fittest (natural selection) is how the universe works, then killing not only should be OK, but expected. And what about morality? Natural Darwinism would reject the concept of any objective“ morality”; everything is relative.
But I was conflicted. Being confronted with Viet Nam pitted what I had embraced intellectually (Darwinism, natural selection) against an internal witness that I had begun to recognize and just couldn’t talk myself out of. Somehow I knew that man was special, different than the animals. And somehow I knew that there exists a universal morality that all cultures share and are obligated to. Murder is wrong, lying is wrong, oppressing the weak and helpless is wrong. Everywhere. All cultures. The answers provided by my secular humanism and Darwanism, the “intellectual scientific” theories and conclusions I had embraced, contradicted what I knew in my heart, in my soul. I knew that man was special. I knew that life mattered. I knew universal morality was real. But why? I couldn’t reconcile the contradiction between what my heart was telling me and what my mind was. I wrestled with this for weeks without understanding as I waited for my official draft notification.
Then one day, while meditating on these things and asking myself “What value is there in man that makes him special, above the animals?” I heard, not audibly, but somehow I heard in my mind, somehow within my consciousness, “Because man is valuable to Me. I have assigned man a special place. ” Wait! What was happening?! I had not reasoned this out, I had not come up with this answer on my own. If I had, I would have heard “Because man is valuable to God (3rd person)”. But somehow, in a way I had never experienced before in my life, in a way difficult to explain, I heard “Because man is valuable to Me,” in the first person!!
I was dumbstruck! Did that really happen?! But it was THE ANSWER I had been seeking; the only answer that made sense. God had given man his special place, his special significance over the rest of the animals. God had embedded within man an objective morality that was universal. God was the answer to the questions I was wrestling with. God! God reconciled the truth my heart insisted on with my mind’s reason.
I now knew and believed... God was real !!! He was the Creator and he had created man as a special being for Himself. And dare I believe it? God had spoken to me!
And God, who had never let go of me, though I had let go of Him, continued to draw me back to Himself.
But now that I believed again in God, which God? My search was not over. I reasoned that there are many “gods”, and many religions in the world, I needed to find the real one. But how?
I decided that I would not go to Viet Nam and kill, so I filed for “conscientious objector (CO)” status with my draft board and while awaiting their decision, enrolled at Chabot Jr College. As luck (?) would have it, there was a philosophy class on “World Religions” being offered so I signed up for the class so I could continue my search for the “real” God.
The format of the class was that we would study each major religion by reading significant portions from each religion’s “holy books”. We read from the Koran (Islam), then the Bhagavad Gita (Hindu), and then Zen (Buddhist). Then we read the book of Genesis for the Jewish religion. Finally, we were assigned to read the Gospel of John for the Christian religion.
I was at home alone, one rainy December morning, doing homework and preparing for my afternoon classes at Chabot. I picked up where I had been reading in the book of John; John chapter 8. As I began to read, the words began to affect me in a way that none of the other religious readings had.
“I am the light of the world, he who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life”.
Reading the words began to have a physical affect on me. My stomach tightened, and I began to tremble. I stopped reading, composed myself, laughed at myself for this weird reaction, and started reading again.
“if you knew me, you would know My Father also”
“He who sent me is true, and the things I heard from Him, these I speak to the world.”
Again, I had to stop reading. Why was this book affecting me so? The other religious books had been easy to read. Now I was unable to get through more than a paragraph at a time without beginning to shake and without my eyes beginning to fill with tears.
“Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin. “
“If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.”
Reading was difficult but I had to finish the chapter before class so I continued to read -
“Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day, and he saw it and was glad. The Jews therefore said to him - You are not yet fifty years old, and have you seen Abraham? Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly I say to you, before Abraham was born, I am.”
When I read this it was as if I heard Jesus say “I AM” directly to me. The power of His words “I AM” overwhelmed me. And I knew. I fell to my knees and wept. I knew then that Jesus was the Son of God and my search was over. I prayed simply “ Jesus, I want to know you. Please forgive me. Please reveal yourself to me and lead me into Your truth.”
And God, who had never let go of me, though I had let go of Him, in great patience and faithfulness, had brought me back to Himself.
And the draft? Miracle #1- the draft board approved my CO status (almost never happens!). Miracle #2- the draft board asked me if I preferred to have a student deferment instead so I could continue with my college studies. (They had already announced publicly that they would not be giving out any more student deferments.) So I continued my studies and began my Christian walk. The active draft was discontinued in 1973. I graduated in 1974 with a BA in Philosophy. The war in Viet Nam ended in 1975.
To the Next Generation:
The Christian walk, our journey, the “race” as Paul framed it, is not a sprint. It is a long-distance marathon…and that requires a different frame of mind. It requires endurance, steadfastness, patience, and a lot of trust that the One who called us to start the race, is also the One who is able to get us across the finish line. Realize that there will be both good and bad times; both easy and tough times. The tough times may be harder than you ever thought possible; illnesses, deaths, broken relationships, career setbacks are but a few of life’s tragedies that befall believer and non -believer alike. There may be times when you hurt so bad you want to stop. But don’t stop walking. Never give up. This too shall pass. Jesus will see you through. He who promised is He who is faithful, and He will do it. He has given you His Spirit as a pledge, a guarantee. You are His, and He will not forsake you.
Key Scripture
“The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting.” Ps 138:8
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1Jn 1:9
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”- Rom 8:1
The three scriptures quoted above are special to me because I am a sinner. When I first accepted Christ as my Lord, as a baby Christian I gave in to sin regularly, but these scriptures convinced me not to give up. 47 years later, the Spirit has thankfully worked in my life, but I am still just a forgiven sinner that finds comfort in these verses.
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