Martha Cavillo Juslin
Salvation Experience
I am one of 6 children, the only girl among 5 brothers. I had a very dysfunctional upbringing. As a result, I grew up always feeling unloved, rejected, abused, and emotionally and spiritually neglected. This is how my mind was set from the very beginning.
I know now that parents cannot give to their children what they themselves do not possess but I didn't know that then and I was hurt and angry with the dynamics of my family. So, there I am, with a label and message in my head that I was there to serve and clean and endure whatever the males desired. Unfortunately, starting with my father, drinking alcohol was the focus for fun. With the drinking came dad's sketchy friends. They would come to our home unannounced and steal all the family time. This was allowed because my parents didn't want, or know how, to say no! No to unwanted company, no to allowing our home to be the hangout. So, as a result, the streets were where the kids lived; South of Market, San Francisco between 6th and 7th streets.
I was dominated by fear, surrounded by drunks, pedifiles, addicts, and abused women and families. Before I was out of elementary school I was already sniffing glue, smoking and drinking a little alcohol. Molestation began at age 8 until age 14 when my family finally moved.
By the time I'd graduated from High School I had already been beaten repeatedly by a drunk father, ridiculed by family and close family friends, and ignored and frowned upon by my mother. Looking for anyone to pay attention I cried out to God "Don't you see me?"
Fast forward.....my only boyfriend in high school was mentally, physically, and sexually abusive. I was so insecure and had no self-worth. I moved to Texas to get away from him. Still, looking for love and peace, I married a man from Texas, thinking he'd be everything different than my culture and upbringing and we'd find a better way of living. Nope, he too was broken and unfaithful, so, I moved back to San Francisco. Then, another man pays attention to me and there I go again, actually believing we were gonna show this world and our families how happiness is done. Wrong again. He was just another broken individual, but this time we had started attending church and had the church to help right??? Wrong! who wants to get their lives involved with such toxicity and dysfunction? No One!! Unfortunately, I learned that attending church doesn’t just fix everything and other Christians, and even leaders, are not always equipped or available, and let’s face it, sometimes even willing to get involved in another person’s problems.
Nonetheless, I committed to trying to fit in, trying to learn to "Let go and let God" but still it seemed that no one was willing to become "our church family" or to take us under their wings and light the way. I searched for counseling for us, but my husband only gave lip service with no real intention of implementing change.
Then in 2013, I heard God's call to me! I was lying on the floor, curled up from crying, and God said " Stop arguing with him, you are participating in more sin that way. Be still and know that I Am God, and go enjoy your day and tell everyone what I've done for you."
I began to trust in God alone! I moved away from defeat and hostility and also received spiritual counseling. I removed myself from the toxicity and joined the 3 crosses choir and began a new life of worship and praise in the midst of my turmoil. Now I know that God is my only hope and has lifted my head and given me peace that passes understanding. He has freed me of the life I once lived, a life apart from Him, and now I have a new and joyful life walking with Him daily.
God told me to live.... and to leave my family in His hands. As for me, I needed to get away in order to heal and recover and discover what God has intended for me in this life from the beginning. So for now, I am on the Potter's wheel, loving the transformation, from old to new, His wonderful work in progress. God will get- and has- all the glory.
For the next generation
As I finish my testimony, I know that God wants my story to speak to the next generation. So, I say... Look for God first and foremost, because he's looking for you! He has a beautiful life in store even with troubles and heartaches. He knows what's best. He made you. Trust his Living Word and the people who have been transformed by it. Don't waste time going your own way, hurting yourself and others along the way because you think you need to be in control and grown up. No, we are always children of God. stay dependent on Him and His ways, like a child, and know God is our perfect parent, who will always be there, guiding and filling life with His great adventure and fullness. You will never be alone. The other thing I want to say is that in my old life, I started out a victim of my feelings and as an alien and stranger among my family. But thanks be to God!! In my new life I am a victor in Christ alone and can trust the feelings of the Holy Spirit to be a saved stranger, alien, and pilgrim looking for a " New City" and "Eternal Home". Now I am confident in the journey and in what His Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control will create in me for His glory.
Key Scripture
Romans 8:2 "For the law of the Spirit of Life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. "
Ephesians 1:4 "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. "
Psalm 29:11 "The Lord will give strength to his people, the Lord will bless his people with peace. "
1 Peter:2:9 "You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light "
Psalm 25:4-5 "Show me your ways O LORD, teach me your paths, guide me in your truths and teach me. For you are God my Savior and my hope is in you all the day long "
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